Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs 3D (Movie Review)

As long as I'm off on a kids tangent tonight, I might as well keep going...

I attended Catholic high school so I know all about Dante's Inferno and the different circles of Hell. Somewhere around the eighth circle, I think there is a 24-hour marathon of "Everyone Loves Raymond". I can't think of a worse torture other than a "Everyone Love Raymond" episode turned into a 90 minute kids movie. While the movie's plot line isn't bad -- "The story has Sid being taken by a female Tyrannosaurus rex after stealing her eggs, leading the rest of the protagonists to rescue him in a tropical lost world inhabited by dinosaurs beneath the ice." (Wikipedia) -- Ice Age 3 is bland, slow and plodding.

Ray Romano, who provides the voice of of wooly mammoth father-to-be Manny, seems to be trying to recreate his whinny, vapid Ray Barone character. Denis Leary phones it in as the voice of Diego the Smilodon but John Leguizamo is modestly amusing as the voice of Sid the ground sloth. Unfortunately, one mildly amusing character can't cary a 90 minute movie and I found myself looking at my watch from about the 60 minute mark onward.

My other complaint is that the "3D" effects were pretty boring. After paying $30 for two tickets, I was expecting a "real" 3D experience where images jump out of the screen. Disappointingly, these types of effects were few and far between. A little more depth in picture doesn't justify a 50%+ premium in ticket prices.

The real question is what did Jake (my 5-year old) think. While he always enjoys the 'going to the movie theater' experience, there was no spark and no connection with the characters that there were with other movies. "Cars" was life-changing for him, "Horton Hears a Who" didn't rate as high but we still ended up getting it on video. Ice Age 3 was simply forgettable across the board.

Skip this one in the theaters -- caveat emptor if you add this to your Netflix queue.

Kids Movies: Thomas the Tank Engine: The Great Discovery

It is summer and I have to get the 4-year old out of the house. Unfortunately, I couldn't convince him to see Lou Reed - Berlin so we spent a Saturday afternoon at the Pavilion Park Slope Theatre.

You have to love the marketing behind this - this is a straight-to-DVD production that is scheduled for release in the Fall but it is being pushed out for a limited run in the theatre. The movie is only shown one time each weekend so you know this will pack in the young kids with their parents in tow. I'm sure this 'limited release' is excellent product positioning as the kids can now recognize and bug their parents for the DVD the second it is released. The movie also introduces a new train, Stanley, which is already in the stores so let the merchandising and marketing hype begin. (Maybe the Thomas the Tank Engine folks hired Kiss' marketing people - you have to admire the product positioning)

It is hard to review a kids movie as these types of movies aren't designed for anyone over 5 - 6 years old. I'll do the best that I can though...

This movie "introduced" Pierce Brosnan as the new Thomas the Tank Engine narrator. With the past narration done by Ringo Starr and George Carlin, Brosnan's milquetoast delivery comes across more like Stuart Larkin (from Mad TV) than Bond and it just doesn't compare to George Carlin or Ringo . The story line was typical Thomas the Tank Engine fare (no better, no worse). If your kids like any of the series, they are bound to like this movie. I wasn't completely bored (or asleep through the whole move) and I was somewhat amused by the closing outro-song which was a rap version of the Thomas the Tank Engine theme.

Now for the downside...there was what seemed like 30 minutes of previews and cartoons prior to the Thomas movie. There was one cartoon about superheroes who are sushi pieces...it was moments like these that made Thomas look brilliantly acted Shakespeare. There were also a good number of screaming babies in the theatre. You have to wonder why anyone would take a baby to a movie theatre. If the kid is still in the eat/poop/cry stage and can't sit for more than 15 minutes, what do you think is going to happen in a crowded theatre? To finish my tirade, there was absolutely no leg room in the theatre. Most kids movies are hard enough to get through but it is 10x worse when your knees in your face and there are screaming babies beside you.

Getting back on point - I guess what really matters though is that my four-year old loved the movie and wants to see it again with his friends. I'm not going back so I have already told him that I'll buy him the DVD (Score: Thomas the Tank Engine Marketing Team-1/Mike-0)